Final Journey
During the last few weeks of Greg’s battle with melanoma, I kept friends and family updated on a blog and have copied it here as a way to archive this journey that we all took together.
Our friend, Chris, wrote this bio of us for the original blog:
Greg exudes kindness and warmth. He is funny and thoughtful and lacks the ability to be anything but genuine. Greg does nothing small - he possesses both an epic beard and a huge heart. On top of all that, he's a sharp dresser. He is a man of dedication - both to his faith and to his incredible family.
In July of 2014, Greg was diagnosed with malignant melanoma after a biopsy of a mole on his right thigh. A few weeks later he had a surgery to remove the melanoma and a few lymph nodes from that area. Two of the lymph nodes removed also had melanoma cells on them, so in September he had a second surgery to remove all of the lymph nodes on his right thigh area. Everything was successful, a PET scan came back totally clean and all the lymph nodes removed from the second surgery came back clean with no sign of melanoma on them. However, after a few weeks of sickness during the holiday season, a trip to the ER revealed that the melanoma had quickly and aggressively spread to his liver, spleen, ribs, spine and skull. He began radiation treatment and chemo to hopefully stall or shrink the cancer throughout his body. Sadly, after other complications in the hospital, his body wasn't able to recover. With his friends, family, and the Lord by his side, Greg Connour was called home on Tuesday, January 13, 2015.
Greg and his wife, Sam, have two smart, fun, and creative kids. Blinn is nine years old and is a budding event coordinator. She personally oversaw the design of her last birthday party and was in charge of every last detail, down to the giant inflatable palm tree. Oz, four years old, is a developing artist who has a fondness for drawing on walls. Also, Oz really likes sardines. Sam is a devoted full-time mom who exemplifies strength and grace in the face of the challenge that her family now confronts.
DEC 26, 2014 / UNEXPECTED NEWS
Hi friends we have unfortunately found out that the melanoma cancer has spread to Greg's liver. We can use your prayers as we're fumbling through, trying to figure out what the next steps are while trusting that our good God loves us perfectly. We are currently at Advocate Masonic and will be staying overnight to get more testing done and see the oncologist in the morning. Thank you for your prayers! We'll make our best attempt to keep everyone updated as we know more.
DEC 28, 2014 / RESULTS OF SCANS
So we met with the oncologist this morning after the results from the MRI and CT scan came back and were informed that the CT scan showed lesions on Greg's liver, spleen, ribs and spine. The MRI was clean, so there are no lesions on his brain. We are staying overnight to have another MRI done tomorrow on his spine so they can get a better look at that one and should be able to go home as long as they determine that those lesions are stable and not hindering Greg at all. Other than some mild back and abdomen aches and nausea (which he is receiving medication for), Greg is feeling fine.
However, even with the progression, the plan of action is still the same as it was yesterday, which is to start an immunotherapy drug in the next week or so that will hopefully stall the progression or shrink the tumors. At this point, the cancer is not medically curable but we're hoping to manage it. We covet your prayers and are so thankful for your support and can feel you all surrounding us during every step of this journey.
DEC 30, 2015 / GREG RETURNS HOME FOR SAM’S BDAY!
Friends and Family- thank you so much for your love and prayers. We are carrying them with us each step of this.
My favorite birthday present yesterday was that we were able to be discharged and go home! We had a really nice breakfast with the kids at home this morning, it was very much needed. At the moment all treatment can be done as an outpatient as long as Greg is stable enough to be at home, which he currently is.
I'm just going to explain the diagnosis and we're at from the beginning again for everyone who has just joined the group.
Last Friday we took Greg to the ER for stomach/back pain the was accompanied by nausea and vomiting. They did an ultrasound to check the gallbladder for gallstones and in doing so saw that there were no gallstones, but multiple lesions or metastesis on his liver. Because of his melanoma diagnosis this past summer, they were fairly confident it was the cancer and admitted him to the hospital immediately. Further MRIs and CT scans confirmed that there are multiple spots on his liver, spleen, ribs, skull and along his spine which puts it in the advanced Stage IV category. It is not curable, but there are still treatment options to manage, stall or possible shrink the growth, which we are grateful for. On Monday they did another MRI on his spine to get a better look at the two largest spots on his spine to determine if they were too close to or pressing on his spinal cord. Thankfully, they aren't and that has saved us from surgery to decompress the spine, which would have delayed any other treatment for 4-6wks. Instead, we have begun a series of ten, almost daily, radiation treatments to hopefully reduce the size of those metastesis. (I'm sitting in the waiting room now while he completes round two of radiation). That buys us some time while we start a immunotherapy drug (Ipilimumab) next week that we are praying will work some magic on all of the cancer throughout his body to either reduce it or stall it's growth.
This is a lot of information to handle and we realize that our dear friends and family are struggling to process this, as we are.
We have had many rich, weepy, weary, panicked and practical conversations but underneath us like a steady stream that we are immersed in, flows truth that renders us intensely aware that Jesus loves us, is with us and we are lacking no good thing even when this world is screaming at you that it's not true and that He's not true. It's both bizarre and beautiful. He is our Rock while this storm is shredding us. We would beg you all to stand on that same Rock with us (even if you never have before).
Please pray specifically that: Greg can eat more food and gain some weight and strength, that we would have many more quiet, engaged family times with the kids, for us as we soon talk carefully with Blinn about the gravity of his sickness (Holy Spirit, help us...), and specifically that none of us would catch any cold or flu bug that would threaten Greg or potentially reduce our time together. Pray that the radiation shrinks the metastesis that it is aiming at, that there is no spinal cord involvement in the future, and that the drug will attack all of the cancer entirely. And please continue to pray for the complete healing that we are unwaveringly confident that our God is able to provide.
JAN 4, 2015 / $30,000 OF WET STUFF
Hello everyone, we're starting the chemo treatment (a new and outrageously priced immunotherapy drug called Ipilimumab) in a few hours. Please pray that the side effects would be mild or non-existent and that Greg's current nausea would be controlled and he would be able to start keeping food down again. Love you all!
JAN 9, 2015 / GREG IS READMITTED TO THE HOSPITAL
Prayers, friends. We came for radiation treatment this morning and his labs were abnormal. We are being admitted now because his sodium levels were extremely low and his liver function is very poor. Please pray that the chemo drug begin quickly working on the tumors in his liver. Pray for peace for us when panic and fear want to get a foothold. The next 24 hrs will be trying as Greg's super thirsty already, but can't have any liquid for 24 hrs while they try to stabilize his sodium levels. Pray we get some rest with no complications.
JAN 11, 2015 / BALANCING ACT
Saturday update: We are still at the hospital, not too much to update. They are still just working up increasing his sodium levels, which is a slow process because you can't safely increase it very quickly. Just drip by drip. When we were admitted on Thursday his sodium was at 115 (which is pretty dangerous- we are thankful for a nurse at the radiation center who caught on to it and alerted a physician!), and a healthy level is 140. His sodium is currently at 121 and we're expecting it to take a few more days to get to safe level.
Greg has been feeling better at times and worse at times while dealing with ongoing nausea and fatigue, which could be caused by the cancer, the chemo drug, or any of the other medications he's on. We've had a few visitors- mostly family- which has been great, but are limiting the amount of interactions just because he is tired and a lot of times just feeling too lousy to converse. Greg's parents, Larry and Patti and his brother, Mark, came up for the afternoon yesterday, which was wonderful, especially since they just had made the trek last week and watched the kids and took care of everything while we were in the hospital the first time. My parents, Stanton and Diane, are here right now watching the kids and transforming our apartment! Such great parents!
Some of you may not know, but 2 months ago we moved into an apartment right next door to our good friends, the Bergins (Mark Bergin is a pastor at The Painted Door and who we helped plant the church with 5 years ago) and Greg started feeling unwell right when we moved, so our house has still been partially unpacked up to this point. And if you know Greg or I at all, having boxes and clutter and things generally not settled was causing all kinds of aesthetic stress! Greg would say characteristically pessimistic things like, "What have we done?" "We've made a terrible decision" and I would say unrealistically optimistic things like, "No. This place will be great, I just need to do 438 things to get it in shape...." (We're a great team when we can meet in the middle...) But with kids and illness and Christmas, maybe 3 of those projects had actually been completed! However, this week, with the help of my parents moving things, building custom furniture (thanks Dad!!!), our small group moving some things to a storage area, our friend Kyle volunteering to do some painting while we're at the hospital and Tom and Jenni Keating making the incredible sacrifice of going on an Ikea run for us (Sooooooo sorry, Tom. You are a true friend.)... our home should feel more like a home and less like a college kid's apartment when we hopefully return soon!! (No offense, college kids.) You all don't know how grateful we are!
And in general, we have been overwhelmed with everyone's kindness and prayers and acts of service, you have literally been the hands and feet of Jesus to us. I know many of you that I love so much have reached out or sent messages and I just haven't had the time or opportunity to respond, but please know that I love you all and wish I could sit down with each of you and talk and catch up. But until then, we'll try to keep things updated here. Some of our incredible friends are also working on a website that will be more public and have links with practical ways to help. I'll let you all know when that is up and running.
Thank you again for your prayers and love. For those of you who enjoy poetry and imagery, I'll leave you with this poem that I read the other day. It's beautiful and I can't stop thinking about it and how I feel it conveys our gratitude right now during this heavy time and the bizarreness of how the Holy Spirit can swell in us such gratitude and thankfulness despite the weight pressing in on us. (Thought I doubt this was the author's original intent. But, nevertheless...)
Thanks.
Listen
with the night falling we are saying thank you
we are stopping on the bridges to bow from the railings
we are running out of the glass rooms
with our mouths full of food to look at the sky
and say thank you
we are standing by the water thanking it
smiling by the windows looking out
in our directionsback from a series of hospitals back from a mugging
after funerals we are saying thank you
after the news of the dead
whether or not we knew them we are saying thank youover telephones we are saying thank you
in doorways and in the backs of cars and in elevators
remembering wars and the police at the door
and the beatings on stairs we are saying thank you
in the banks we are saying thank you
in the faces of the officials and the rich
and of all who will never change
we go on saying thank you thank youwith the animals dying around us
our lost feelings we are saying thank you
with the forests falling faster than the minutes
of our lives we are saying thank you
with the words going out like cells of a brain
with the cities growing over us
we are saying thank you faster and faster
with nobody listening we are saying thank you
we are saying thank you and waving
dark though it is- W. S. Merwin, 1927
JAN 11, 2015 / UPDATE
We just got an update that his sodium levels have crashed again and are back down to 116, which is where they were when we were admitted. And his resting heart rate is racing. Pray for guidance for the doctors and for Greg to be able to purposefully relax while they're figuring this out.
Trying to find a vein for over an hour.
JAN 11, 2015 / MISERABLE
If anyone is up in the middle of the night, say a prayer for some new complications within the last few hours. Greg's developed a fever, a painful bruise on his right hip that feels hot to the touch and swelling in his legs. Also, he's a bit uncomfortable at the moment because they need to draw blood for a blood culture tonight and are having a really terrible time finding a vein because he's been poked and prodded so many times over the last week or so. In short, pretty miserable. Pray for some relief and resolution of some of these symptoms!
This was our room after the crash team of about 15 doctors swarmed in with all their equipment to stabilize Greg and take him to the ICU.
JAN 11, 2015 / ICU
Greg's condition deteriorated overnight and he is now in the ICU. They are working on stabilizing his blood pressure and heart rate and will be inserting a central line soon. The sodium level is still a major issue, but will have to be addressed after everything else is ok. He also developed what looks like a pretty bad infection on his right hip yesterday, which may be causing some of the issues, or compounding them. They will be doing more tests today to hopefully find out what is going on.
JAN 12, 2015 / BACTERIAL INFECTION
Yesterday was one of the scariest days of our lives. We're not out of the woods yet, but we made it through the night with some decent rest in the ICU and no additional complications.
Right now, the most threatening issue Greg is facing is a very fast and aggressive bacterial infection in his right leg/hip area. They have gone back and forth on a diagnosis between cellulitis and flesh-eating bacteria, but the last report we got after a CT scan was that they think it's cellulitis. (Which we were obviously relieved to hear and hope that diagnosis sticks.) But, either way, it is putting Greg in a precarious position and the massive infection is affecting his electrolyte levels, blood pressure, heart rate, etc. Thankfully, here in the ICU, they seem to have those stabilized and we feel much more comfortable on this floor with more ears and eyes on him. He is incredibly drowsy from the heavy painkillers, but still able to sporadically converse. We brought the kids here yesterday — pray for them as this is confusing and probably a little scary. Other than that, I think at this point you all may know how to pray for this better than I! Life has slowed down to a moment by moment thing and I'm not really thinking much further than the next few minutes and I guess that's ok. We are just waiting for the antibiotics to work and hoping to avoid major surgery right now. We should know within 24 hours if the antibiotics are having some effect.
JAN 12, 2015 / CALM
Greg is sleeping for a few minutes. Today had slowly moved along with some good news and bad news. The antibiotics seem to be working some on his infection, the skin looks less red than it did last night. However, the infection and the medications keeping him stabilized have taken a toll on his organs, particularly his kidneys and liver. So he is dealing with the effects of those organs not being able to do what God created them to optimally do. Also, he has developed a blood clotting condition called DIC that can lead to severe bleeding issues because of a low amount of clotting agents in his blood. And he has sepsis (bacteria in the blood) from the infection. They have seen people pull out of situations like this, but the prognosis is pretty grim and we are aware of that. So, we are feeling tired yet peaceful somehow, albeit with a constant frog in our throat. Greg and I talked after the last update from the doctor and he was expressing how he knows right now that God is protecting him right now from fear and worry and giving him a strong sense of peace and calmness. His only complaint is that he wishes he could talk with everyone more. (He is suffering from extreme dry mouth which makes talking difficult, and extreme drowsiness that causes him to nod off a few times every minute... which can be a little comical at times...) If you know Greg, he is so highly relational despite being highly introverted. He hates going to parties and events (even church most of the time) because the thought of that many people stresses him out, yet he'll always be the last person there because he'll have an hour long conversation with each person he talks to until I finally drag him home. And those conversations are always genuine, he really loves all of you. And wishes now that he could have another conversation like that with you. Please keep us in your prayers as I know so many of you are.
JAN 13, 2015 / ISAIAH 42:16
Greg has asked me to read this scripture to him multiple times since yesterday:
And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known. I will guide them.
I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground.
These are the things I do,
and I do not forsake them.
And we have been particularly comforted by this version from The Message:
But I’ll take the hand of those who don’t know the way, who can’t see where they’re going.
I’ll be a personal guide to them, directing them through unknown country.
I’ll be right there to show them what roads to take, make sure they don’t fall into the ditch. These are the things I’ll be doing for them—sticking with them, not leaving them for a minute.
JAN 13, 2015 / HOSPICE
We are heading to hospice, thank you for your love. We feel it.
JAN 14, 2015 / IT IS FINISHED
Posted by Pastor Mark Bergin
It is finished. Greg died a little after 10pm Tuesday in the company of many close friends and family.
The moment of his passing could not have been more holy. As his breathing grew increasingly labored, Sam asked everyone to gather around and sing. After several familiar hymns, Sam asked her mom, Diane, to sing a song that has been of particular comfort to the family for some years. During the final verse, Greg peacefully breathed his last breath.
It was a fitting end to a beautiful life. Earlier in the day, when Greg was still able to converse, he spoke words of thanks for all the time and love God had given throughout his 37 years. His heart was full. And he was not afraid.
Later, after Greg was moved to hospice care, he could not speak easily. But the words he managed were full of faith and rest. At one point, it became clear he wanted to say something. He struggled to lift his chin and proclaimed to the room: “We need Jesus.”
Yes. And Greg, our friend, taught us that with his whole life.
